Why Resolution is Always the Answer to Conflict

Have you noticed how much relationship advice these days focuses on boundaries, blocking, and walking away? While Instagram fills our feeds with quotes about cutting people off, I’ve been thinking deeply about something I discovered in Matthew McConaughey’s memoir “Greenlights” that offers a different perspective on conflict and connection.

Here’s what caught my attention: McConaughey’s parents divorced twice and married three times – to each other. Yet despite this apparent chaos, their approach to conflict resolution was profound and transformative. They understood something about relationships that our quick-to-cut-ties culture seems to have forgotten.

The Lost Art of Resolution

Here’s something profound McConaughey shares about conflict: “Now you can shut that door on me or we can walk through it together.”

This simple statement captures everything about the choice we face in moments of conflict. But today’s social media wisdom often pushes us toward the first option – shutting doors, rather than walking through them together.

Resolution as Medicine

Growing up in the McConaughey household meant nobody got to sleep until conflicts were completely resolved. No half-measures, no “let’s sleep on it,” just pure commitment to fixing what’s broken. At first glance, this might sound intense, but there’s serious wisdom here.

Think about unresolved conflict like an open circuit – energy keeps flowing but nothing gets completed. It sits in our bodies, messes with our sleep, and shows up in weird ways in all our relationships. I see this pattern all the time in our microdosing community – people carrying years of almost-resolved situations that keep them stuck.

The Power of True Listening

One of the most touching moments in McConaughey’s book is when he asks: “If all that I would want to do, would be to sit and talk to you… would you listen?”

This question gets to the heart of the resolution. Often, we’re so focused on being heard that we forget to listen. Real resolution starts with this willingness to truly hear each other.

Beyond Just “Dealing With It”

There’s a massive difference between facing conflict and actually resolving it. Resolution means staying in the conversation until both people feel complete, even when it’s uncomfortable.

As McConaughey powerfully states: “We are not here to tolerate our differences, we are here to accept them. We are not here to celebrate our sameness, we are here to salute our distinctions. We are not born into equal circumstances but to equal abilities, but we should have equal opportunities. As individuals we unite in our values.”

This perspective transforms how we approach conflict. Instead of seeing differences as problems to overcome, we can view them as distinctions to understand and accept.

The McConaughey Method

The family’s approach to conflict resolution was built on two core principles:

No Sleeping on Unresolved Issues

• – Address problems immediately
• – Don’t let negativity fester overnight
• – Find a resolution before the day’s end
  

No Holding Grudges

• – Acknowledge pain directly
• – Address hurt feelings openly
• – Focus on moving forward together

The Ripple Effect of Resolution

When we commit to fully resolving conflicts, something amazing happens – it affects every area of our lives:

• – Relationships deepen
• – Communication becomes clearer
• – The weight of unfinished business lifts
• – New growth becomes possible
• – Sleep is improved!

Think about how this might show up in your own healing journey. Maybe it’s finally having that conversation you’ve been putting off. Maybe it’s returning to an old conflict that never got fully resolved. Whatever it is, remember that the real healing isn’t in the conflict itself – it’s in seeing it through to completion.

Flow Forward

Here’s what I want you to take away: While it’s true that some relationships need to end, most conflicts hold the potential for a deeper connection – if we’re willing to stay and do the work of true resolution.

How do you approach conflict in your closest relationships? Are you quick to shut doors, or do you try to walk through them together? 

Share your thoughts in the comments below – you know I’m always curious to hear your perspectives!

Flow strong, 

Gino Taselaar